The Leftwing Liberal Handbook

Ye Olde Original Version - To See the Updated New and Improved Edition, click on the Left Arrow at the Bottom Ye Olde Page, Guv'nor.

You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
You have to be against capital punishment for criminals, even murderers, but support abortion on demand.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity. As a true Leftwing Liberal you have to believe that no Americans ever lost their jobs or became homeless except during the Reagan and Bush Administrations; these are problems that can be solved only by lotsa money and Liberals in the federal government.
You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
You have to believe that the military, not politicians, start wars.
You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee and Thomas Edison.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal, and really a very nice person.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge. You must also vociferously deny the fact that "Nazi" is an abbreviation for Adolf Hitler's Nationalsozialist party, because Hitler makes socialism look bad, unlike humanitarian socialists like Josef Stalin, Mao Zedong, Fidel Castro, Ho Chi Minh, Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein and a host of other socialists who raped, tortured, maimed and slaughtered their own people in the name of political and economic advancement for the plight of the downtrodden.
You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a draft-dodging liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.
You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality as well as organizations such as NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association) and other groups that promote pedophilia should be constitutionally protected, but symbols such as the Cross, the Star of David and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interests of the United States.
You have to refuse to discuss the issues in a rational manner and whenever someone attempts to do so, throw a 3 ring tantrum, rant and rave, go into a lunatic rage and outshout them (preferably with profanity and name-calling) and stick to personal slurs, smear tactics, slander and building strawmen so you can knock down the strawmen (oops, sorry, strawpersons) and hopefully sidetrack the conversation away from your lack of ability to support your position.
You must always ignore the message and attack the messenger. When stuck, remember the tactic that won't reveal to other Leftwing Liberals your unwilingness to rebut the issue under discussion or your inability to think or say anything original: smugly change a couple of your adversaries' words, parrot and repeat their comments back to them verbatim and even if it isn't true, by all means always be sure to accuse your opponents of using the very tactics the Leftwing Liberals try to hide, remembering all the while that Lenin would be proud.
No matter how credible a source may be - always do your Leftwing Liberal duty and rabidly claim it's been debunked and discredited and call anyone who believes it "mean spirited", crazy, a Nazi or any other of the monikers from the Leftwing Liberal grab bag of infantile epithets and sarcastic sobriquets.
Whenever demonstrated facts don't agree with your agenda, twist them and mangle them until you can make them fit into your prejudices, the media will assist you greatly.
Once you've told a lie or slandered someone, be sure to repeat it as often as possible until it becomes true. "Members and front organizations must continually embarrass, discredit and degrade our critics. When obstructionists become too irritating, label them as fascist, or Nazi or anti-Semitic .... The association will, after enough repetition, become "fact" in the public mind." [ ~ Communist Party, Moscow Central Committee, 1943]
You have to believe that all spirituality and all religions except Islam are bad.
You must use the following buzzwords as often as possible: "Nazi", "Hitler", "gestapo", "police state", "totalitarian state", "imperialism", "imperialist", "running dogs of [fill in the blank], "greedy corporations", "shrub", "fascist", "paranoid", "goosestepping", "ruling-class", "class-strife", "class warfare", "stolen election", "unconstitutional", "racist", "entitlements", "hate", "bourgeois" or better yet, "petty bourgeois", "counter-revolutionary", "progressive", "red-baiter", "anti-Communist", "deviationist", "revisionist", "reactionary", "multiculturalism", "oppressed", "victims of Yankee oppression", "plight of the [fill in the blank] people", "mean-spirited", "McCarthyism", "jingoism", "flag-wavers", "neocons", "alternative(s)" and, of course, overuse of the indispensible "F" word.
You have to believe that there were never any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, even though they were used against Iran, the Kurds and the the Iraqi people and even though the many Democrats warned us about WMD before the Iraqi invasion: William Jefferson Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Sandy Berger, Madeline Albright, Senators Carl Levin, Tom Daschle, Robert Byrd, Jay Rockefeller, John Kerry, Bob Graham, Ted Kennedy, Representatives Nancy Pelosi and Henry Waxman and vice-president Al Gore to name only the most vociferous.
You have to be a purveyor of perennial pessimism and a dispatcher of doomsday gloom and hyperbolic hysteria whenever you can work some scare tactics into the foreboding warnings of eventual catastrophe at the hands of your adversaries, i.e. people who disagree with you.
Whenever possible, if you hear or read something that seems quite logical and might influence someone against the Leftwing Liberal viewpoint, be sure to pounce on the exception or some tiny, inconsequential irrelevancy, such as the misspelling, poor punctuation or mispronunciation of a word, unusual facial expression, article of clothing or some morsel of arcane trivia or irrelevant minutae in an attempt to derail the conversation into petty bickering replete with name-calling and personal slurs. [Use of the "F" word is particularly effective, especially when combined with prepubescent profanity and puerile posturing.]
Always have unkind and accusatory slurs cocked and ready to use regarding any armed forces personnel, especially military people in harm's way other than your own candidates, sell-outs, turncoats, traitors and those who are guilty of or advocate treason. The exception, of course, would be soldiers killed or wounded when a Republican is president - then take an indignant stance and shriek hysterically at the tragedy - don't worry other Leftwing Liberals will realize your disdain for military people who are to spoken of favorably when you think it will make conservatives look bad in the eyes of Leftwing Liberals, the lunatic fringe and the politically illiterate.
When your adversary presents a particularly damning discovery, pervert it, twist it around, fabricate something out of thin air and accuse him of something he didn't say, falsely attribute your invention to him and then proceed to argue against your own creation with the hope nobody will notice. This is best done by beginning your remarks with "in other words" or "so what you are suggesting" or "are you saying that..." followed by the most implausible, irrelevant non sequiturs you can fantasize.
You have to remember that nobody but your adversaries, real or imagined are ever to blame for anything and no one should ever be accountable or held responsible for their words or actions - they're just misunderstood.
You have to be a victim of as many forms of melodrama as possible and be ever vigilant to promote victimization of almost anything and anyone although that's very difficult to reconcile with the assertion that nobody's to blame for anything, except the people who don't agree with you.
You must always have Double Standards, a higher standard that you demand of corporations as well as people you don't like and people who don't agree with you and another set of standards for yourself and your Leftwing Liberal confederates which is preferably no standards at all.
You must with all your heart and soul hate America and Americans and bash them at every opportunity, while claiming you love America though you contend that American patriots are really traitors. And do remember to accuse people who don't agree with you of being the ones who hate America and Americans. This won't confuse people with IQs above eggplants, but remember some of our best friends are about as intellectually astute as ashtrays.
You must always remember that you are a member of the grown up 4-H and it is incumbent on you to always display their watchwords: hallucinations, hyperbole, hysteria and hate.
Remember to claim that the flag is only a piece of cloth and stands for nothing while you explain how you love America and that's why you howl and hurl hateful epithets regarding America and Americans, especially those who disagree with you.
You are always to belittle and deride concepts such as optimism, patriotism, honor, honesty, faithfulness, fidelity, loyalty, courage, bravery, principles, trust, trustworthiness, reliability, responsibility, respect, common-courtesy, common decency, kindness, Good Samaritanism, sacrifice, patience, fortitude, values, integrity and character as being naive and passe. Call anyone who uses those words, "judgemental" and "intolerant".
You are encouraged to lionize, venerate, yea, worship sloth, lust, self-centeredness, selfishness, instant gratification, slander, criminal behavior, drug addiction, degenerate behavior, promiscuous sex, lewd remarks and behavior, rudeness, crudeness, crassness, smutty language, vulgarity of all kinds, disrespect for authority, laws, law enforcement and military while showing respect for prostitution, drug dealing, gang-bangers, organized crime, pornography and generally everything that would aid in tearing down the social fabric of the United States of America and all she stands for.
Be sure to exhibit incessant anger at America and Americans in general and rage at conservatives, centrists and anyone who doesn't agree with your ideas.
You must be "politically correct" when it suits your purpose and point out that political correctness is a form of freedom rather than more mind-control, but, it's more important to demand that others be "politically correct" than actually follow those demands yourself.
You must always offer praise and/or excuses for all of America's enemies, especially terrorists who aren't really murdering cowards, but, rather multiculturally misunderstood.
You have to believe that just because your candidate lost an election (by all means stomp and shout "election fraud" or "stolen election") or an unacceptable law was passed there's always the possibility of going to court where a Leftwing Liberal judge is presiding so that you can get your way in spite of the wishes of the electorate and those of their congressional delegates as elections and legislation are more effectively decided by certain judges and their courts than by the voters and their legislatures. But, be sure to stress that you believe in the Constitution and remember to always claim that the candidate, election or law you don't like is unconstitutional. In fact, for argumentation purposes, it's always a good idea to claim that any law or action that doesn't please you is unconstitutional as it's an excellent buzzword and makes you sound like you might know something esoteric. After all, guys like Noam Chomsky and Alan Dershowitz made a career of such tactics.
Whenever someone says something that rubs your prejudgements the wrong way, ignore the contents of the remarks and vilify, defame, malign and slander that person while claiming everything that person has ever said or will ever utter is wrong. You are encouraged to take cheap shots and engage in name-calling and ad hominem attacks, but, above all, if you're a true standard-bearer for the Leftwing Liberals, avoid discussing issues you can't debate - which are, of course, all of them.
Honor multiculturism and know it's "truths": "Multiculturalism, n. The doctrine that persons of European ancestry are morally inferior to all other human beings." ~ John Derbyshire, inspired by Ambrose Bierce and his _Devil's Dictionary_
When confronted with something that is critical of Leftwing Liberals, read or listen to one or two lines and jump to conclusions (it's the best exercise many Leftwing Liberals get) that the beginning was awful (meaning it might ask a Leftwing Liberal to actually think or to look at Leftwing Liberals in an uncomplimentary light) - and claim you didn't bother to read the rest or listen to the remainder all the while claiming to be open-minded.
You must take it as your sworn duty to do your utmost to prevent people from printing, voicing, writing or otherwise disseminating any communication which is either unfavorable to or not in agreement with Leftwing Liberal dogma and you must also strictly enforce Political Correctness, while at the same time doing your best to muzzle and silence those who don't agree with you. Tell adversaries to "Do as I say, and I'll do as I please!" This is not censorship, hypocrisy or Double Standards, but rather, "Freedom of Speech" an important Constitutional Amendment written to give Leftwing Liberals their God-given rights, even if they renounce and don't believe in God.
If you don't agree with the points of others, under no circumstances should you present a rational counter argument or discuss the issue itself when it is much more effective to call people liars and cast aspersions on their veracity. This is also effective if a person makes a mistake, don't overlook or excuse the error or admit there was a possiblity of a mistake - call them liars ferociously, unless it's a petty sideline mistake that will help you construct smoke and mirrors, in that case see Article #30 above.
Conservatives suggest that people should "hate the sin, love the sinner". Remember, as a Leftwing Liberal you must always hate the sinner [person or corporation who doesn't agree with you] and love the sin as all sins are "relative" and finding anything wrong with them is "judgemental". This may be difficult to grasp at first glance since Leftwing Liberals don't believe in "sin" [unless it's being applied via Double Standard, see Article #35, toward corporations or people who don't agree with Leftwing Liberals] except for hypocrisy which is the only sin, when applied to our opponents and is one of the most effective slurs in our arsenal. See Article #54
You must never be willing to take the consequences of your own actions or words or expect your confederates to do the same as long as you can unjustly lay the blame on someone else. But, of course, it is critical that you demand that people who don't agree with your ideas be held to strict adherence of taking the consequences of their actions: See Article #35 above regarding nurturing our trademark: Double Standards.
When asked to give citations, sources or support for your propaganda, you can do one of 4 things: Use secondary sources which supposedly give "expert" Leftwing Liberal opinion on the primary sources when they're not ignoring them, taking phrases out of context, twisting their words or perverting their meaning; make an official-looking, bogus website (provided you know someone who knows how to make one and is also literate enough to write without a spell check) with the fake "facts" you've presented; refer them to a propaganda site that may or may not support your claims or the third and preferred solution is to give them the URL of an official or universally accepted website and claim vehemently that the so-called information you've invented, created or faked is from that website though anyone who looks won't find it there.
Remember, "A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money." ~ G. Gordon Liddy
You have to support and promote socialized medicine as "Socialized medicine is based on the belief that, while individual bankruptcy by medical bills is tragic and wicked, bankrupting the entire country is beneficial and noble." ~ Nicolas Martin ["If you think health care is expensive now, wait 'til you see how much it costs when it's free."] ~ P. J. O'Rourke
When your adversaries make statements that ring true, seem logical or appear to have merit, ask them completely irrelevant non sequitur questions in an attempt to evade the issue and derail the conversation. If that doesn't work, announce with all due grandiosity that your opponents refuse to answer your questions or give cites, therefore, they cannot support their assertions. This ploy of course won't work with people who can think, but, it will bring Leftwing Liberals and the lunatic fringe out of the woodwork to jump on your bellicose, bungling bandwagon.
You must always vociferously and incessantly point out that the reason any conservative's failing is always major news is that it allows liberals to engage in their very favorite taunt: "Hypocrisy!" Hypocrisy is the only sin that really inflames us Leftwing Liberals and, of course, only applies to others because Liberals can always invoke the time-honored Double Standard. Inasmuch as Leftwing Liberals have no moral principles, we can sit back, march, or otherwise create a ruckus as we criticize other people for failing to meet the standards that liberals simply renounce. It's an intriguing strategy. By openly admitting to being philanderers, draft dodgers, liars, weasels and cowards, liberals avoid ever being hypocrites. Remember, admission that morals and ethics are passe always gets you off the hook - but, do not hesitate to point out the immorality or unethical behavior of people who don't agree with Leftwing Liberals.
Remember, as a cheerleader for decadence, when any despot, criminal or maniac is treated in any way differently from the way he treated others, it's your sworn duty to scream to the heavens that he isn't being treated with dignity and is being embarrassed in spite of the fact he may have raped, tortured, maimed and slaughtered others; as a Leftwing Liberal you must remain silent about the victims of despots, criminals and maniacs. The victims got what they deserved and despots, criminals and manics are to be honored, lionized, venerated and if they're bad enough, worshipped.
As a Leftwing Liberal, you must believe that all America foreign policy must have the unanimous approval of France, Iran, Russia, Syria, Cuba, North Korea, Venezuela, Bolivia, Communist China and the United Nations.
You must learn to be agile at pulling the old Leftwing Liberal Switcheroo. Naturally in normal discourse, you must incessantly and nauseatingly bash your country, slur and slander the founding fathers and American istitutions like the FBI, CIA, etc., calling them terrorists and murderers, disparage all religions except Islam, denounce all military institutions and personnel, chide all people who have moral convictions and on and on [See articles 1-58]; but, remember, when trying to win a petty bickering match, employ the Leftwing Liberal Switcheroo - which means dropping your old mantras and immediately feigning to embrace your opponents' views momentarily while you don the mask of reverance for those you hate, but know your adversary admires. If you are successful enough in public discourse and exhibit it with enough frequency, you may be eligible to win a toaster from The Leftwing Liberal Liberty Lobby.
As a Leftwing Liberal, you must be like a feminist bookstore in that you have no sense of humor and must make no effort to distinguish between serious commentary and obvious humor and sarcasm.
As a Leftwing Liberal, you must shout "Hypocrite" and "Hypocrisy" whenever your fantasies indicate that an adversary accepts the entirety of a political party, political administration or political philosophy. If the persons purports to have any disagreements with that political party, political administration or political philosophy, maliciously call them "Hypocrites" while foaming at the mouth, gnashing your teeth, beating your breasts and tearing your hair. It's the Leftwing Liberal Catch-22 where you are going to brand them "Hyocrites" no matter what they say or do. After all, "Hypocrite" is our favorite word and the only sin we recognize - in others, of course.
You must always be conscious of Political Correctness. "'You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs anymore.' said Yo-less. 'It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons.'" ~ Terry Pratchett
Remember, one of the Leftwing Liberal hallmarks is to try to instill fear and use whatever scare tactics are available. This in conjunction with doomsday prophecies, perennial pessimism and hopelessness, real or imagined, will hopefully amplify the fear in others. "Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd." ~ Bertrand Russell
Whenever someone offers documentation or legal proof, one effective method of obfuscation is to claim the documents, certificates, court orders or whatever were forged, fraudulent, fake or fudged. The same thing can be done when someone offers proof of candidates' popularity because they were elected to office - you can merely spare the gore and claim the election was rigged and the rightful candidate was robbed. Remember Uncle Joe's Maxim: "Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything." ~ Josef Stalin I guess poor Uncle Joe didn't know about using the courts to circumvent legislation and elections.
You must always insist that the _Holy Bible_ must never be read in schools, but, it's acceptable reading in penitentiaries and people testifying in court must swear on the _Holy Bible_, but, the _Bible's_ "Ten Commandments" cannot be displayed at the courthouse by court order.
You, as a Leftwing Liberal, have to believe that all of the above is part of a vast right wing conspiracy.

- Politically Correct -

A Guide for the Mass-Mind

Left Turn Only to Go in <<<
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The Leftwing Liberal Handbook

- Politically Correct -

A Guide for the Mass-Mind

Left Turn Only to Go in <<<New and Improved Circles <

Left Turn Only to Go in <<<
New and Improved Circles <